When I entered the monastery in 1974, at the age of twenty-six, I never would have imagined that one day twenty-two years later the community would choose me to serve as its abbot. What I did realize in 1974 was that I had a strong, almost insatiable desire to be a monk, whatever a monk was. That desire has never left me. In fact, it continues to ground me as a monk, as an abbot and as a human being. This desire is for me a profoundly personal and existential reminder of God's insatiable desire for me, for my brothers in community and for every person. God desires each one of us into being and that divine desire sustains us in being at every moment.
 

 
One morning at Vigils, during a particularly worrisome period I was passing through in my abbatial ministry, I momentarily became aware of, what could best be described as, a real sense of belonging to God. I guess one could call it a consolation. It was not an earth-shattering experience by any means. It came unbidden and unexpected. It was even a bit surprising. Yet it left me with a real sense of peace. I know that I am not alone in being momentarily surprised by God like this, no matter how rare such moments may be. In fact, aren't such surprising moments what all our spiritual practices are meant to prepare us for? Not in any causal sense of making something happen, but in the sense of opening our inner experience, our inner senses to God's presence-God's loving ownership and personal desire for each one of us.

Brother Adam's simple profession

I am convinced that this is what monastic life is all about. Fundamentally, all the monastic practices and discipline are aimed at a continual availability to be surprised by God's overwhelming, erupting desire for us. And such eruptions are by no means limited to formal times of prayer. God can catch us off guard (in fact being "off guard" is really another name for this availability) anywhere and anytime-while praying, reading, working or relating with the brothers.

I have sometimes been asked if the monastic life is different than what I had anticipated before entering. I can say two things in response. Firstly, I honestly don't know what my expectations of monastic life were. Secondly, whatever expectations I had in the past have been and continue to be far surpassed by God's surprising, ever-erupting personal love and mercy.